I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Everything about him screamed your future.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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