you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
