i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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