The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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