How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
