worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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