I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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