What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
