kristin has been a bad kristin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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