I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
