She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
