Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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