This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
