Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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