i just wanna soil my oats bro
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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