I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize