Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
