Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
