their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
