Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
