So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize