I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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