peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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