Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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