oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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