1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
