your room smells of hookers.
And success
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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