I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
