Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
