I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize