We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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