He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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