Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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