Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
