you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
