Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
