her vagine was all disorganized.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
