Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
