WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
