I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize