They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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