Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize