Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
