I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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