It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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