i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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