I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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