This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what day is it and did you see me today?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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