I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize