ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
