she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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