i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
