You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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