garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
