considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
