And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
