Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
