He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
