do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
