worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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