I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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