just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize