Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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