After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
