did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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