barbara walters just said penis...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
