In the future we'll all be gay
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
