I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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