Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
