my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
